Let’s face it, it can get VERY hard to wake up in the middle of the night to feed your baby. Many breastfeeding parents figure out how to breastfeed their babies in bed. This may even be the safest option for those who run the risk of falling asleep while doing night time feedings. But even when you get it figured out and can pretty easily feed your baby at night without too much disruption, a lot of parents start to wish for fewer interruptions to their sleep. This is totally normal, and does not make you a bad parent.

You might happily feed your baby in the middle of the night for the first few months before you start to feel too frustrated, and others might be happy to do it for a couple of years! Whatever your threshold, know that you’re not alone, and there are ways to handle this without too much drama or consequence.

What are “night feeds”?

Basically, night feeds are the feeding sessions that happen during our regular sleeping hours. You and your baby have both gone to sleep, and then they wake you up wanting to eat. That may happen just once or twice, or it may be more. It depends on how old your baby is, among other factors. Sometimes babies start to wake to eat more often even after they’ve cut back on night feedings. Some of those reasons include:

• Is the baby going through some developmental milestones?
• Is the baby sick and needing more hydration/nutrition?
• Is there an issue with milk supply?
• Is your milk content a little lower in something the baby needs more of at that time?
• Has the baby developed the habit of using nursing for comfort and to be able to sleep?

Why are night feeds important?

Remember that babies actually need to wake often during the night… at first. It’s actually safer for them, and can secure your healthy milk supply, especially during the newborn period. Even after they are newborns, night time feedings may still be necessary for some babies to maintain their weight gain and ensure that your milk supply doesn’t drop before you’re ready for that.

At what age do babies “outgrow” night feeds?

You can find lots of opinions out there ranging from six months to over one year of age. There is no right answer to this question, although newborns and babies who have trouble maintaining weight shouldn’t be restricted and will likely need to eat every couple of hours. I always hesitate to offer exact numbers for anything related to feeding, and parenting in general. Every baby is different. Every parent is different. It’s more important to pay attention to your baby’s specific needs, and consider what feels right for your family.

If you are comfortable with night feedings the way you’re doing them, there’s no need to worry about it until it stops feeling right. If your baby is past the newborn stage, and you’re very uncomfortable with the night feedings and want to start dropping them, consider a few things, and you may also want to consult with your pediatrician and/or lactation consultant:

• Is your baby at a healthy weight and gaining weight easily?
• Do you want to continue breastfeeding?
• Is your milk supply very stable?
• Will your life circumstances allow you to increase daytime feedings if your milk supply does drop in response to fewer night feedings?
• Patience will pay. You don’t have to do anything drastic. You can gradually shorten the feedings, and/or reduce them by one gradually over a period of time. This will make it easier for your baby and for your milk supply.

Sometimes, even younger babies can go for longer stretches at night without eating. Other babies continue to need night feeds for longer in order to maintain their weight and keep growing. Some people have a very stable milk supply and can cut the number of feedings without seeing any impact, while others will notice a quick drop in supply if they cut back. Formula fed babies may have different needs. Just be sure to consider all of these things before you decide to make a plan for dropping night feeds. You can also seek advice from a lactation consultant if you’re unsure.

What you DON’T have to do

To reduce or eliminate night feeds, you do not have to do any of the following:

• Stop breastfeeding.
• Accept that you and/or your baby will experience emotional trauma.
• Do it quickly and abruptly.

It is absolutely not an “all or nothing” kind of situation. Like so many parenting choices, there is a lot of grey area here. You can reduce night feeds without eliminating them completely. You can also make it a very slow and gradual process that your baby might not even notice!

How to reduce the night feeds

It might be simple for you. If your baby ate just before falling asleep, and they wake a couple of hours later, try helping them back to sleep without feeding. This might work great! If your baby wakes again, you can go ahead and feed them. So, now your baby is feeding less at night. After a week or two of this, you might try doing the same thing with another of the nightly wake ups. So, to clarify:

• Let’s say that when you decided to start your plan to reduce night feedings, your baby was waking up to eat three times; once at 12am, again at 2am, then again at 4am (in reality, this will not be the EXACT same time every night!).
• First, you took away the 12am feeding while continuing the rest.
• Then 2 weeks later, you go through the same process with the 4am feeding.
• Now your baby is only eating once at night, at 2am.
• You can continue with that until it feels like the right time to eliminate the night feedings completely. Many breastfed babies still need at least a little nutrition during the overnight hours even up until one year of age.

Your baby might not have any trouble with this. You can reduce the night feedings at your own pace. It might be you wait a week or two, but you might also wait a month or more before continuing to reduce the number of night feeds. Do what feels right for you and your baby. If your baby is happy, seems to be growing well, and your milk supply stays stable, then you can assure yourself that it’s working.

What if my baby is a boob junkie?

There is definitely a persistent attitude out there that babies get hooked on the breast, use it as a pacifier, and that there is something wrong with this. I just saw a great comment about this on social media. I can’t find the exact source, but it goes something like this, “You are not a human pacifier; a pacifier is actually a plastic you!”. This does not mean that no one should ever use a pacifier. This just means that it’s very normal and natural for a baby to find comfort at the nipple. This has been going on forever, and babies do eventually stop needing it, even if you don’t actively do anything to stop it.

So, if your baby finds comfort at the breast, that’s great, as long as you’re ok with it. Again, what’s best is what works for your family. There is no shame in using nursing for comfort. This is how most babies have been raised since the beginning of time. It does not cause damage. However, if you are having a lot of negative feelings about it, or it’s interfering with your ability to function well, you may need to make some changes.

How to gently break the habit

As long as your baby no longer NEEDS the nutrition as much at night, it can often be a pretty simple process to reduce your baby’s reliance on nursing for sleep purposes. It can be simplified into classical conditioning.

Pavlov’s dogs salivated at the sound of a ringing bell because over and over, that bell was associated with food. Your baby has developed a strong association between sleep and nursing. You can try a number of things to undo this conditioning:

1. Find a new sleep association. Rather than stopping the nursing to sleep, just introduce something else into the routine. Maybe you start playing a particular song as your baby is falling asleep at the breast. Eventually this song might be enough to make your baby sleepy, and you can remove the nipple to watch your baby fall asleep. You can include multiple sensory inputs for this, so there are multiple things that your baby will associate with feeling sleepy. Try adding a blanket or soft toy, a particular smell, a certain kind of soft lighting, some kind of special touch or massage, or even some gentle movement. The important thing is that your routine is consistent. It will be a lot easier to remove the nursing association when there are other things that will be comforting for your baby.
2. You can gradually reduce time at the nipple. Rather than stopping abruptly, you might consider a more gradual process for reducing night feeds. You might allow your baby to start to fall asleep at the breast, and then be sure to ease the nipple out just before your baby is fully asleep. This might not work the first time, or even after many tries, but it might eventually work. The trickiest thing here might be making sure that YOU can stay awake to remove the nipple!
3. If your baby does fall asleep in other ways, use those instead. It might not be very difficult, as long as you have something else that works well. If your baby falls asleep well in a carrier or being walked around or bounced or rocked gently, it might not be too much of a struggle. If your baby needs to be in the car or in the stroller, you may even want to do that for a little while. It might be REALLY hard to get up in the middle of the night to take a car ride or a walk with the stroller, but if you’re working to extinguish your baby’s reliance on nursing for sleep, this might be something you’ll want to do for a short period to minimize the difficulty. Once your baby doesn’t have that strong association, it can be easier to drop the night feeds.

A few more helpful hints

When you are ready to wean from night feedings or minimize them, here are some things you can do to increase your chances for success:

• Make sure your baby is getting plenty to eat during the day. You may even INCREASE the amount of time spent nursing during the day in preparation for cutting back at night.
• If your baby is also starting to eat solid foods at the same time, try to avoid doing that close to bedtime. Some babies have more trouble sleeping when they are starting solids due to digestive system issues. They may even increase how much they want to nurse at night during that transition.
• You might start alternating breasts when nursing during the transition. If you feed a lot leading up to bedtime, use the same breast. That can ensure that the baby is getting all of the more dense and filling milk at the “bottom” before they go to sleep. They may be able to sleep for a little longer. Then use the other breast when they do wake for a feed, and make sure they get a full feed from that side. You’ll try to avoid lots of very short snacks.
• Make sure your baby is not going through any other big changes. If your baby is getting a first tooth, or has been sick, it might not be the best time to start making this change.
• If it doesn’t go well at first, take a break! It might just not be the right time. After a few days or weeks, you can try again and see how it goes.
• Ask your partner for help with the night time parenting. Especially if you are trying to break a strong association with breastfeeding, it might be harder for your baby to find comfort with you WITHOUT the nipple. Your partner may have their own special methods for comforting your baby that will work great. Once the association with breastfeeding is less strong, you can participate in the night time comforting again.

Remember that every family’s needs are different, and the most important thing is not to start dropping night feeds too soon. You may feel a lot of pressure for your baby to “sleep through the night”, but the textbook definition of that is actually just five hours of sleep at a time. Most babies can not go much longer than that without eating without consequence to their health or your milk supply.

It can be so hard to get up in the middle of the night, but try to remind yourself that these can be sweet quiet moments with your child that you will not have forever. Also, as much as you can, try to get in bed early and catch up on sleep whenever you have the opportunity. Let other people help you, so you can be well-rested and manage those night feeds with less difficulty.