In consultation with Dr. Ellie Wheeler and Cassie Terrillion, IBCLC, RLC, Baby-Led Sleep Specialist

Breastfeeding Success is a company dedicated to helping families get a good start, and our specialty is breastfeeding. We also understand that families have a lot more to navigate than baby feeding. Feeding babies might take the top spot for issues that families have to prioritize and get help with sometimes, but sleep probably comes in at a very close second.

We lose sleep

One of my biggest fears when I started thinking about becoming a parent was the possibility that I might lose sleep. I was really good at sleeping. I wrote a thesis paper about sleep and sleep disorders in college, so I really understood the importance of good sleep. I understand what it does for our brains. I understand that when we sleep well, we have more energy, get sick less, feel less stress, focus and think better. Knowing all this, I had perfected the art of sleeping well, and the thought that a baby would change my excellent routine was scary!

My baby came, and my sleep was disrupted. My worst fears came to pass, but I managed better than I thought I would. I was finally able to relax and give in to the process. I figured out ways to work around the baby’s needs, and eventually started to get better sleep. It was a slow and gradual process, and I wish I had known more about the actual nature and biology of infant sleep at the time. Knowing more would have made me feel better about my baby, and my sleep parenting.

We hear so much about the way babies “should” sleep and how we “should” or “should not” handle their sleep routines. Unfortunately, most of that advice is not based on basic human development and the reality of a baby’s biology, and it only serves to make us feel bad about ourselves and judge our babies as flawed.

Natural biology of infant sleep

Humans spend the first nine to ten months of their lives in the womb. It’s a very dark environment. Sound is muffled and soothing. They are always warm, and they get a steady stream of oxygen and nutrition from the umbilical cord, so they don’t even have to regulate their temperature, breathe or eat! They float around in fluid, and they don’t have much space to move around. They are squeezed, lulled, soothed and rocked by our movement. For that reason, babies tend to sleep a lot when we are awake and active. The gentle movement is comforting and helps them sleep. That’s why, during pregnancy, a lot of people notice that their babies wake up and get more active when they finally lie down to sleep at night.

Then they are born, and suddenly their environment is very different. It’s very bright, cold, loud, and dry. They have a lot of space and don’t feel hugged and snug anymore unless they are being held. They have to breathe and start to feel hungry. They need to eat often because they are learning to regulate their blood sugars, and because their bellies are very tiny at first and empty quickly. The transition to their new world takes time. The newborn period is often called “The Fourth Trimester”, because babies still behave as if they are in the womb, and tend to be happier when treated as if they are. It’s important to understand this as the parent of a newborn. They are different from older babies, and that’s ok. It’s important to remember that this is a very temporary developmental stage so that you don’t feel frustrated or too overwhelmed.

You may notice some things that work for your newborn:

• They like to be held skin-to-skin so they can get the benefit of our body warmth and the feeling of being snugly held. This also benefits milk supply, bonding, and even your hormonal regulation and moods!
• They ask to eat often while their bellies are small and they’re learning to regulate their blood sugar, so they don’t feel hungry and can maintain healthy blood sugar levels.
• They like to be rocked, bounced, walked and swayed so they feel the familiar comfort of our movement and can fall asleep easily.
• They wake often at night, and might sleep longer stretches during the day.
• They may seem to only sleep well when being held.

Circadian Rhythms

An important thing to remember about newborns is that they are born without developed circadian rhythms. Circadian rhythms are based on the 24 hour cycle of day and night. Our bodies adjust to the cycles of the sun when we get that full spectrum light through our skin and eyes. It makes sense for our bodies to function based on circadian rhythms.

When it’s dark, we should be less active. It’s not as safe or convenient to move around and try to do things at night. Our vital signs and basic bodily functions slow down. We sleep and recover! During the day, it makes sense for us to be more active. We can see better, and most of the things we need to do can be done better during daylight hours.

Because babies have been deprived of full spectrum light in the womb, they have not developed their circadian rhythms. It takes time, and at first it will probably seem like your baby has their days and nights switched. They may be awake more at night, and sleep longer stretches during the day. This makes sense when we remember that they are used to being lulled to sleep with your movement during the day. It takes some time for babies to develop those circadian rhythms, and you can also do some things to help.

• Expose your baby to lots of natural light during the day. You might go outside, or at least be sure to open the blinds or curtains so the natural light can come in.
• Stay active during the day. Do your normal activities during the day, and your baby will likely be with you having that experience. Eventually, they’ll catch on to the idea that daytime is for being awake and doing things!
• Keep the lighting low at night. You’re sure to be awake sometimes at night, but avoid turning on bright lights. It’s best to use red or orange spectrum bulbs or night lights. Cassie likes to recommend salt lamps because they offer just enough soft light to see by.
• Keep the stimulation to a minimum at night. Try to minimize diaper changes, bedding changes, and keep the household activity quiet during nighttime hours.

Babies wake a lot

As frustrating as it might be at times, you might feel better to remember that newborns are designed to wake often. This protects them in a couple of ways:

• They wake often for hunger because their bellies are tiny and empty quickly. This also corresponds with your body’s need to produce a healthy milk supply. The more the baby attaches to the breast, the better. Your body understands that it needs to increase the milk supply each time your baby asks for milk at the breast. So, while your milk supply is being established, it’s actually very good for your baby to eat VERY often.
• It keeps them from sleeping too deeply. There is a time in the newborn period especially where their brains are still underdeveloped in a way that means they are not good at going through sleep stages including arousal. Arousal is waking up or coming out of deep sleep. They wake often at first, which helps protect them from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Newer research points to an underdeveloped ability to arouse from sleep as a cause of SIDS. Once babies get a little older, this will improve. Their brains develop, and they will be able to regulate this better and be at lower risk for SIDS. Cigarette smoking contributes to arousal problems in infants, so please be sure not to smoke around your baby, and even wash or remove your clothing layers before holding them or sharing a room.

While you’re getting through this period with your baby, remind yourself that waking up often is healthy! Also, consider some of these strategies to help you get more sleep and feel better while you’re waiting for your baby to catch up.

• Keep them near you so you can provide physical touch and comfort easily. Sometimes all they need to go back to sleep is a belly rub or just your hand on their abdomen. You may not even have to get out of bed to comfort your baby!
• Let your baby sleep on you. It’s really OK to do this. You won’t spoil your baby. However, if there is any chance you might fall asleep too, make sure you don’t fall asleep on a couch or chair. It’s much safer to be in a safe bed for this.
• Sleep when your baby sleeps. It’s EXTREMELY tempting to want to get things done when your baby finally falls asleep, but you will be better off if you get some sleep instead. Remember that this is temporary and the tasks can wait, OR
• Pull in support so you can get more rest. If you have willing loved ones, ask them to help you with the household chores and errands so you can sleep when your baby does.

If you can take a class, there is so much to know about infant sleep. It’s a fascinating topic, and there is a lot for new parents to know. Breastfeeding Success has a great class taught by psychologist, Dr. Ellie Wheeler.

Here are some of Ellie’s favorite tips to share with new parents. Remember that you ARE a great parent even though your baby doesn’t seem to be sleeping well!

1. Babies are meant to wake up frequently. Even through the night!
2. How long a baby sleeps and how frequently they wake are not measures of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ sleep! Or a measure of how well you are doing at parenting. It is not your job to get your baby to sleep, you can only provide opportunities for them to fall asleep if they want to.
3. Almost every single person in the world eventually starts to sleep in long stretches over night. Sometimes this happens when they’re six months old. Sometimes when they are older. This is all normal.
4. You can’t create bad habits or spoil your newborn baby. If they want to be held to fall asleep, that’s ok. If they want to be nursed to sleep, that’s ok. This is a very brief period in their life. Try to enjoy the baby cuddles and don’t worry about their future sleep patterns.
5. Sleep training isn’t something that all babies need. It’s not like potty training!! Lots and lots of babies figure out sleep all by themselves
6. It is not your fault if your baby wakes up regularly over night. This does not mean you are doing something wrong (1 in 5 babies wake twice or more at age 1, and 30% of one year olds are still waking once)
7. There’s a really good chance your baby’s sleep pattern will change around four months, this is very normal. They start to sleep in a different way around this age. Giving them time to adjust to the new way of sleeping while keeping your bedtime routine predictable and consistent is often the best thing to do.
8. When your baby suddenly starts waking more frequently (after previously sleeping for longerstretches with fewer wakes or previously sleeping in a predictable way) it’s often caused by teething, sickness or a developmental milestone. Waiting a week or so and not changing your routine is often the best thing to do here.
9. You need to prioritize your sleep! Creating space so you can get one full sleep cycle either from a daytime nap or by taking turns overnight, can help alleviate some of the exhaustion you are feeling.
10. It is absolutely ok to try some form of sleep training because you need more sleep, this can often help us be the best parents we can be! And sleep training and breastfeeding are not mutually incompatible, you can absolutely do both.