Written in collaboration with Renee Woodward – Educator, Newborn Care Specialist, Nanny, and Postpartum Doula

Finding a caregiver can be one of the more stressful things an expectant or new parent might have to do. It’s very scary to think about leaving your baby with someone you don’t know well. This person/people will become a very significant part of your baby’s daily life, and your collaborator.

Collaborative care

It’s very important to consider that this person might be a contractor or employee, but they’re also essentially your co-worker or even co-parent. If possible, agreeing on some basic principles can be helpful. You don’t have to agree on everything, but that can often make things easier. Most co-parents don’t actually agree on everything, and of course you are the primary caregiver and the guardian, so you get the final say. In that case, it’s important to be very communicative. Open and regular communication will go a long way in making this a smooth transition and a good experience for all.

Type of Childcare

There are a lot of childcare options. You might like to choose something based on cost, location, social opportunities, or the particular caregiver. These are some of the options that you might like to look into:

• Family and friends: Sometimes it can work for parents to alternate their work schedules in a way where very little or no outside childcare is needed. Some families are able to piece together childcare by accepting help from grandparents or other family members, friends, or neighbors. They might even trade child care responsibilities with another family with children. If you only work Tuesdays and Thursdays, and your neighbor works Mondays and Fridays, you might offer to care for their children on your days off and they care for yours while you’re at work! I’ve known several families who were able to minimize their childcare costs significantly by finding these kinds of arrangements. And a bonus is that their children end up growing up together as a sort of extended family.
• Daycare centers: This is a facility that serves many families. You take your child to their location, and they usually have rotating caregivers and multiple caregivers available on any given day. There are larger and smaller facilities, so you might like to check their capacity numbers and their caregiver to child ratios. This can be a great option for cost, and also for convenience. They will always be open and available, and they do the work of finding and screening caregivers. Some specialize in certain kinds of education or activities or even offer care in other languages so your child can become bilingual.
• In home daycare: There are people who provide daycare in their homes. In these situations, there are usually multiple children and maybe only one or two caregivers to know. This might be lower cost than a private nanny with the benefit of some socialization for your child but with lower child to caregiver ratios.
• Caregivers in your home: Nannies or childcare providers can be hired to come to your home to provide care. There are many options in this case.
  • It might be that you hire someone to provide care in your home for only your child. You might provide full-time employment, and that person is dedicated to your family. Some people like the ease of not having to drop off and pick up their child, and the comfort of their child staying in the home which can mean an easier transition for them and less packing for you. This option might be especially helpful if a child has a health condition or is especially vulnerable to illness.
  • If you don’t need full time care, your chosen caregiver might spend a certain amount of time in your home with your child, and then also work with another family or families on other days in their home(s). This might be arranged by your nanny, or you might join a community of people who would like to share time with a caregiver and organize the schedule yourselves with input from the nanny. This is great when the caregiver is very sought after and you don’t need or want full time care. It can also provide the caregiver with a good and steady income while each individual family actually pays only a fraction.
  • A nanny might have another child of their own that they would like to bring to work with them. Some people like this option because there is another child for some socialization, and their nanny is able to dedicate more time to their own family and yours.
  • A nanny might offer to care for more than one child at your home. This might bring down the cost for you and also provide some socialization for your child.

How to Find Someone

There are so many options. Once you’ve narrowed down your preferences, it’s time to find the right person or place. It can be difficult to find someone if you don’t know where to look.

You might ask around at work. Sometimes people have great creative ideas to offer, or might know about daycare centers to recommend near your place of work. You can contact nanny or babysitting agencies. They help match you with an available caregiver, and can do a lot of the background checks and screening for you. You can look for parent groups in your local area for ideas. Facebook and Nextdoor are some examples. You might also join a neighborhood group. Some neighborhoods have email groups, Slack groups, Facebook groups, etc. where you can join if you live in the neighborhood. That can be a great way to ask for suggestions.

How to choose

When you’ve narrowed down the kind of care you want, it’s time to narrow it down even more and choose a person or place. There is a lot to consider. Renee Woodward is an educator and child care specialist and provides this great tool for helping you in this process.

Some basic things to remember:

• Check references: Renee suggests that you contact at least 3 references and ask all of your most important questions. For example:
  • Was this person punctual and reliable?
  • Was this person flexible?
  • Was this person helpful?
  • Did they perform their job duties as expected?
  • Did they have a good relationship with the child?
  • How long were they with you?
  • What were their strengths?
  • What were their weaknesses?
  • Why are they no longer working with you?
  • Would you hire them again?
• Cameras are acceptable: Renee says that caregivers should expect there to be a camera in the home or daycare center. She says that she prefers when a family has cameras because she wants them to be able to see their baby, see that she’s doing a great job, and even sometimes learn some great tips from watching!
• You can require or ask about certain things:
  • Background check
  • CPR/Safety training
  • Any other special training?
  • Do you need any kind of special help at home? (cooking, laundry, pet care, etc)

You can get a lot of good information on an application or by looking at a resume. You can find out about their education, background, experience, references, and a lot more. But when you’re actually meeting a candidate, there are some things you might want to ask about and look for on a more personal level. For example:

• How do they look at your baby? Are they smiling, making eye contact, obviously interested in your baby, asking questions, etc.? Ask them to hold the baby and observe whether they seem to know what to do and feel confident holding your baby.
• You might ask why they want to do this work.
• Ask about the hardest part of their last job and their favorite part.
• You might ask about how they handle criticism or offer an example and ask how they might handle that. “If I notice that the play area is always messy when we get home, and I need to talk to you about that, what would be the best way to approach it? How would you feel, and how would you handle it?”
• How do they feel about the employer relationship? How do you feel about it? Do you want this to feel like a family or relationship? Do you prefer something more professional? Does this person seem to feel the same way that you do, so that you can have the kind of relationship you prefer?

Whatever you choose for your family, remember that things might change and evolve. You might choose one option now and then decide that something else will work better as your baby grows. You don’t have to decide forever today. With this kind of decision as with most everything in parenting, it’s best to enter it with an open mind and flexibility. What’s right today or with this child might be different tomorrow or with the next child.

Having wisdom usually means having flexibility and being able to acknowledge when change is needed. That might feel really difficult, or it might give you a lot of peace knowing that it’s OK to change course. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. Whoever you choose to care for your child, remember that it’s a relationship that should be nurtured. Keep the communication honest and open and always be willing to hear and accept things that you might also need to change.